Short Story: Women Seeking Women

Short Story: Women Seeking Women

This piece has not been edited by the ShortbreadStories team.

I’d been living in Austin, Texas for about 4 months. My boyfriend at the time & I had moved there from Chicago in June. We’d ended the relationship just 3 months later, and while I was of course heartbroken & lonely, Austin is so friendly & quirky that I decided to stick around for a while.

So it was around the end of October that I started to recover from the split & decided to get myself back out on the market. I was feeling adventurous & optimistic & figured if nothing else, I’d make a couple new interesting friends.

Before I go any further I need to explain... I sometimes have these seemingly great ideas that turn out to be bad ones. I frequently act on a whim & do not always think things through before diving right in. I’m a little older & wiser now, but 5 years ago I was quite reckless & free spirited.

So I had decided to switch it up a bit & try dating a woman. Why not? I’m open minded & had been with a couple of girls in the past (albeit always a curious fling). The city is super laid back & non-judgemental with a happening gay scene. Pretty much anything goes there. Plus, I figured women were bound to be more sensitive & caring than the 20-something males I’d been meeting & I was in dire need of some affection. So I did what I thought any young, free-spirited & single female would do in that situation...

I posted on Craigslist under the “Women seeking Women” category.

I wrote a heartfelt & humorous ad explaining how I had recently moved to Austin & had broken up my partner & wanted to try something new. In retrospect, it was a total rebound attempt. I made sure to include a recent pic of myself with my adorable cat & requested that all potential love interests do the same.

Over the course of the next week, I received about 20 replies (3 or 4 from men, surprisingly –or maybe not so much) from interesting women all over Austin. Now I’m not shallow, but of course I didn’t want to get with an unattractive woman. So the ones without pics I didn’t respond to. The ones with attractive pics I did. I then weeded out the remaining candidates by how funny & smart they seemed via follow up emails. This left me with 3 potential dates.

By the end of the process I decided to go with a girl named Denise. She was a brunette with dark eyes & a pretty smile. She was about my age & seemed cool, with a dry sense of humor that I dig. She sent me 2 pictures. The first being the classic self-snap shot looking up into the camera with pouty lips & that sultry eyed model pose. I don’t understand why women are constantly doing that. The other was a normal photo of her at dinner with friends.

We continued emailing & texting for a few days before I decided to ask her if she wanted to meet up. I realise 4 days of texting a total stranger & then meeting for the first time may seem a bit pre-mature (and dangerous) but this was a woman! I never would have met up with a strange MAN, obviously....& it was just going to be a casual “get to know each other over drinks” type thing anyway. She agreed to meet me at a hipster East Side bar that upcoming Friday night.

I was excited & a bit nervous about our date. What was I supposed to wear? I put on a short dress, then decided against it. I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard. So I shimmied into some painted-on black skinny jeans & a plain white fitted v-neck shirt. I think I was wearing shiny turquoise platform heels. I blow dried my hair to give it maximum volume & went heavy on the mascara & eyeliner. I thought I was looking pretty good. I caught a bus downtown & walked to the bar.

I purposely arrived a half hour early so I could knock a beer back, loosen up & feel out the vibe. Filled with anticipation, I explained the entire scenario to the cute bartender & he high fived me & wished me luck with a very amused grin on his face.

At a quarter after 9, she announced her arrival by gently placing her hand on my shoulder.

“Katherine?”

I stood up to meet her, extending mine out with a smile. “Well hello there Denise, nice to meet you!” I gave her a quick, inconspicuous once over.

She was fat. Or at least, a LOT heavier than her photos implied. A good 15-20 lbs heavier. She was wearing tight black jeans like me, with a silver shimmery top that accentuated every lump & roll. Granted it was dim in the bar, but I knew immediately that this chic had definitely not sent me a “recent photo” as I had requested & had done myself. She’d broken the unwritten universal online dating rule, & I was a sucker for falling for it. But since I’d never done this sort of thing before, I hadn’t known what to expect.

Shit. You’ve got to be kidding me, lady. REALLY?!

I looked over at the bartender who was now smirking at me, having observed the whole slightly awkward exchange that’d just taken place. Beer wasn’t going to cut it at this point. I needed something stiff; I was gonna get nice & toasty.

“Maker’s on the rocks please, & whatever she wants.” I thought I’d still be nice & buy her a drink. As previously stated, I do not think of myself a shallow person & even though right off the bat I knew I was in no way sexually attracted to her, we could still be friends, right? At some point during the evening I’d just subtly let her know that it was going to be a purely platonic date. No hard feelings, no big deal. So I smiled again at her, not wanting her to sense my utter disappointment that was based solely on her appearance.

While finding us a table, I also noticed she was a terrible walker in high heels--which is kind of a pet peeve of mine. Us women spend two hours in front of the mirror getting beautiful & then stagger around on these mini-stilts like morons. You should not wear your heels that high if it causes your gait to resemble a staggering bowlegged penguin.

We chose a small table in a dark corner. “Sorry for running late, I hit the gym after work,” she said apologetically.

Like hell you did.

We made small talk for a while. It started out strained & awkward, but we were laughing & carrying on in no time. She was actually pretty cool & hilarious in person as well. I started to relax & enjoy myself.

Hey, this chic’s alright! Ok, so I was a bit irritated about her misrepresenting photos at first, but what the hell? It’s hard meeting people & she’s really funny & interesting. I would absolutely hang out with her again.

A couple of rounds & maybe 2 hours go by. We are both uninhibited now. She is looking at me with a new intensity & leaning in while touching my hand & shoulder when I speak. I’m pretty perceptive, even after 2 whiskeys. She is most definitely into me. She’s laughing & flirting more, really starting to come on strong. Just as I’m wondering how I’m going to slow this behaviour down & break the news to her, she leans in to kiss me. I looked away & took another sip of my drink to block her attempt.

...I should just tell her that I’m very sorry, but I’m not interested. I don’t find her attractive. Why did she have to send me those photos of herself from 2 years/ 20 lbs ago? No, I really don’t want to hurt her feelings. Maybe I’ll say that I’m not feeling so hot all of a sudden...

Denise’s right hand is now on my knee, working its way up to my inner thigh, squeezing & massaging it under the table. Oh dear god, why did I pick this dark & very private corner table?! I’m feeling quite uncomfortable at this point (mortified, really) & finish my drink in 2 gulps.

I’ve got to get the hell out of here, stat. I don’t have the nerve to tell her that I’m not “into” her because I’d let it go on for too long at this point. It was my own fault; I’d bitten off more than I could chew & there was no turning this date back to a platonic one. I don’t want a confrontation or any more awkwardness. So I say the first thing that comes to mind:

“Excuse me, I need to go to the ladies room.” I abruptly scoot my chair out, grab my handbag, walk past the bathroom & out of the establishment. I had gone into panic mode; I bailed on her.

Outside, I lit a smoke & walked a few blocks before hailing a cab home.

About 20 mins had gone by before I received the first text.

“You are a cowardly cunt. Can’t play with the big girls? GO TO HELL.”

Ok, I probably deserve that one.

When I didn’t respond, I got a few more texts with a string of expletives attached. The night had quickly turned sour & I felt bad about it. But none of it ever would have happened had I received accurate & recent photos! Nobody likes to feel duped, catch my drift? I knew I shouldn’t have walked out on her that way, but I just couldn’t tell her the truth for some reason. It WAS definitely cowardly of me, I’ll admit.

A couple of months go by, & I’m out with my friend Geoff. Outside on the patio having a cig, I vaguely notice a woman giving me kind of the evil eye, but ignore it. Women can be so catty... Ahem.

I finish my smoke & go to head back inside when she approaches me. “How’s it going?” she asks, & not in a very friendly tone either. “It’s going just fine...thanks.” I reply, slightly bewildered. I turn around & start to walk away & then it hits me.

It’s Denise. She’s got a couple girlfriends with her & she looks pissed (& rightly so).

“You don’t remember me, DO you! You totally ditched me on our date. You’re a fucking bitch. And you know what? It’s just your loss, because I am... AWESOME.”

Yep. I guess I deserve that one too.

What are the odds? I cannot believe we both happen to be at the same bar on the same night again, 3 months later. I mean, Austin’s a small city but it’s not THAT tiny. It’s just karma coming back around to kick me in the ass. So I understand & accept the out lash I’m about to receive; she’s upset & her pride is still hurt. I might have done the same thing in her shoes, who knows?

“Oh my God, Denise, hey. How are you? Look, I’m really sorry about that whole thing...” I try apologising but she & her friends either don’t hear me or don’t care. They are jeering insults at me. I feel myself getting nervous.

“Hey, I really AM sorry, & it wasn’t cool at all to do that...” I flash her my best smile with a quick “double thumbs up” sign before walking back inside to my friend, telling him we should probably get out of there a.s.a.p, as I really didn’t feel like getting my ass kicked by 3 disgruntled lesbians that night.

“What’s going on, what’s the rush?” he’s asking as I’m closing out my bar tab. “Let’s just go now, please. I’ll explain as soon as we get out of here...”

The story has gotten a few laughs over the last 5 years, but honestly I would never pull some shit like that today. I’ve grown up a bit & have developed more as a person. That’s what supposed to happen as you get older.

And so I would like to take a moment to say to Denise, where ever she may be, that I apologise for being such a cowardly cunt on that Friday night in Austin.

...Also, never move out of state for a man & definitely don’t turn to Craigslist for a date.