Short Story: What Lies Beneath The Surface

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About this Short Story

Written by
Claire Pagett


As Alison has a relaxing time in Dubai with other 3 friends, little does she know that her secret past comes back to haunts her.


  • 1935 Words
  • 3 Comments
  • 36% Community Rating
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Alison was the first one out of the four to arrive at the Villa in Dubai. Alison was a 29 year old, a tall intelligent lady with long brown hair, blue eyes and bronzed skin. She has always been popular due to her caring and friendly personality. As Alison waited for Mark, James and Lauren, she checked out the Villa her Father had built on one of the small islands as congratulations on becoming a Neurosurgeon. She could smell the newly Chestnut yellow painted walls surrounded by the new expensive furniture. As she walked around the villa she hear the waves lapping against the shore. Alison went to her room to unpack. Her room was as elegant as she had imagined, it was decorated in a pastel cream colour with wooden floorboards, a kingsize four-poster bed, a number of cupboards and a dressing table.

The outside seating area looked out to the land of Dubai where she could see the stunning…

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Diane Dickson Guest Editor said "Hi Claire. I wonder if you did that neat trick of reading this aloud to yourself. yes you feel like a bit of a twerp especially if somebody comes in and catches you but you're a writer so they already think you're a bit odd. I find it really helps to make the work flow, especially dialogue. Writing is a wonderful thing and it just keeps on getting better and better the more that you do it, not necessarily the results (I think we all have ones all that time that we read later and think - oh my word did I really think that was any good) but the experience as you dive deeper and deeper into it. I also think (and please bear in mind I am quoting my own very personal opinions here) reading is as important as writing for those of us on the baby slopes. I do hope that you continue to submit work and look forward to watching as it develops - Cheers - Diane"
2 years ago
Jay Leffew said "I can't be sure if the writing is by a very young and naive author, or someone who is very new to writing, and thus unaware of the nuances an experienced writer grows into. This reads as it might first be written as an 'ideas' draft, and is a fairly straightforward, well worn tale, which needed honing into something more mysterious. . . . . The idea could become something with imagination, but please, read through and edit before submitting, whatever else; you have so many missing and ill-fitting bits; like early in the tale you have '...and reveal...' where you either need '...and revealed...' or '...to reveal...' Then there's '...as the sunset.' Could be you didn't hit the gap, which no doubt you'd've noticed with a careful re-read, but of course, I can't list them all or we'd be here for eternity. . . . . Practice makes, if not perfect, at least better, and I'm sure you have it in you, or you wouldn't be writing, so keep it up; this can be quite a rewarding learning curve for a lot of people, including me..."
2 years ago
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