Short Story: Tired

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Written by
Hasan Adro'i


Monday, 10 February 2014


  • 512 Words
  • 3 Comments
  • No Ratings Yet
  • 721 Views

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This piece has not been edited by the ShortbreadStories team.

This is the of activities, actually. Although it's still holiday on my college activities, I intended to go to campus because of some necessaries.

At ususal, the first I did is listening some sport information on the radio, especially football. I was washing my clothes in the bathroom. I wash my trousers and my shirts neatly until quite clean.

Since all of my work has done, I decided to go to campus. In there I will continue my research. The female mouse is looked very big in its stomach, it seems quite pregnant for someday. when I weighed it, the pointer of the balancer points toward number approximately 50 gram. I was decided the mouse was completely pregnant. The embrios in its stomach is going to born at current time immadiately. However, after I disserted the stomach of female mother mouse, I discovered thirteen embrios of baby mice (seven in the right and…

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Nik Eveleigh Guest Editor said "Hi Hasan. Well done on trying to write in a second language - I have nothing but admiration for anyone who attempts a story in anything other than their mother tongue. Unfortunately there were too many errors in this piece for me to be able to enjoy it as much as I would have liked. I hope you will continue to write as I think there were some good ideas here but you will certainly need some assistance if you are to continue writing in English. I don't think this is really related to the competition criteria but best of luck regardless! Kind regards, Nik"
4 years ago
Adam West Guest Editor said "Lots of problems over syntax and tense made this rather tough to read. I struggle to write in my mother tongue so hats off to anyone who writes in a second language - many thanks and good luck in the competition, Adam"
4 years ago
Diane Dickson Guest Editor said "Hi there. I did read through this, I wondered how it related to Valentine's day unless perhaps it was that it was in a vague way about reproduction? Or perhaps your MC had a crush on his teacher - the trouble is that your written English is not quite up to the job I don't think and so the result was a very confused and confusing account. I have to say I was very intrigued, the thought of this person walking about with mouse embryos was so very peculiar. Hmm - perhaps if you have a friend who could look at this with you and try to knock it into shape it will be a very interesting story. As it is I just feel puzzled. - Diane."
4 years ago

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