Short Story: The-jack-in-the-box (part 2)

ShortbreadAlex McneeShort Stories › The-jack-in-the-box (part 2)

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About this Short Story

Written by
Alex Mcnee


The second part in the series. Quite short but there is still loads more to come.


  • 268 Words
  • 11 Comments
  • 95% Community Rating
  • 246 Views

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I woke up startled. I didn't know why but I felt instantly frightened. I could feel something in the room with me.

I let out a whimper but then I instantly composed myself.

“You're imagining things Maria,” I told myself, “don't be stupid!”

There was a quiet but definite thump in the darkness and I let out another whimper. I gripped the duvet and pulled it over my head.

“Get a hold of yourself! Everything will be fine... Everything will be fine. Ignore it! Ignore it.” I started to shiver. “Don't let it scare you. That's what it wants. It wants to scare you.”

There was another thump but this time it was louder... No, it wasn't louder... It was closer.

I heard myself shriek.

“No. Stop it. Stop it! Don't let it scare you!” I kept reminding myself over and over.

Then the worst part came. The music. The eerie chimes and jingles. I wanted to cry and before I knew it the hot tears were rolling…

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Mags Hill said "that's done it now, I'm definitely not going to bed without the radio on and the bedroom light on!!! Really good. Full of suspense."
9 months ago
Alex Mcnee said "I have just finished writing part three. I haven't put it on yet though as I'm not sure if it's good enough..."
10 months ago
Lynne Hendricks said "Nice can't wait for the next installment. You can imagine yourself being in that room."
12 months ago
Alex Mcnee replied saying "Thanks. You may have to wait a little while for the next installment though. The problem isn't that I haven't enough ideas, the problem is that I have too many!"
12 months ago
Alex Mcnee said "Thanks for the comment Jay"
12 months ago
Jay Leffew said "Oooo... that's definitely scary; I'm not sure I want to know what happens next... but tell me - please? Really well written, I love this kind of tension in a story, 'though I don't like having to wait for the rest. Trouble is I have a short memory span, and soon after I close from this I'm likely to forget it, so your next offering will come entirely new to me, and I'll have a job remembering what went before. Serials are anathema to me, as are the stupid hiatuses manufactured in TV shows to rack up the tension, they just make me impatient and annoyed. . . . . so ignore this last bit if you like; it's just me being difficult; you're a really good writer."
12 months ago
Alex Mcnee replied saying "I know what you mean. Sometimes I have to reread my stories to make sure that I haven't gotten anything wrong."
12 months ago
Alex Mcnee said "Thanks for the comments. I'm really glad that you like it. I know that this is quite short compared to the first part but like I said before I'm not very good at writing properly scary stories so I thought I'd post this without adding anything else to it to see what people thought of it and help me decide if it's good enough to keep writing. I think I'll definitely keep it going but it might take some time before the next part's finished. I'm still trying to come up with some ideas. Thanks again for reading my story. :-)"
12 months ago
Diane Dickson Guest Editor replied saying "I think that you should definately keep going with this and will wait to see where you go with it. I honestly thought you did very well with the tension so I don't know why you think you can't write scary stuff. Actually I do know! it's because us poor writers find it very hard to believe in ourselves, well a lot of us myself very much included do. - All the best - Diane"
12 months ago
Diane Dickson Guest Editor said "Absolutely delicious feeling of panic that you have in here. This is really a great follow on from the first one. I loved the idea of being cut in half by feelings. Well done indeed - Diane"
12 months ago
Adam West said "Very nice passage following on from part 1 - I particularly liked ---- There was another thump but this time it was louder... No, it wasn't louder... It was closer. I thought that stood out as being particularly effective and could be a benchmark to go by for the rest of this story - congratulations again, thanks, Adam"
12 months ago

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