Short Story: The Towne Bank Heist At…

Short Story: The Towne Bank Heist At Christmas

The two geriatric ladies sat having coffee that morning one week before Christmas, in Abby’s tidy kitchen. Her friend, Etta, was about the same age which was middle seventies. They had much in common. They were very close friends. In addition they were exasperating to both their families, because no one knew what the two would do next, most of the time.

In an attempt to solve the problem, Etta’s two daughters had bought a computer for her, to the delight of her four grandchildren of school age who loved to play games on it. Abby, already the owner of one, used it only to receive their e-mails and reply that she was okay, nothing more, they all decided. Until Abby’s son Miles happened to intercept an e-mail between the two ladies and had to laugh at the latest venture being discussed. Of course he thought nothing of it — wasn’t it Christmas after all?

Abby also had a daughter, and she and Miles were the parents of seven grandchildren, two of whom were married and had provided two great-grandchildren. Neither Abby nor Etta would babysit for any of them. But they loved to have the offspring over for Sunday dinner, and it had become a tradition in both families, until lately. It was becoming impossible to get them all together at the same time so they had discontinued the invitation. Including this Christmas.

The two mature women had many days in which to suffer loneliness, that is, until they became friends and everything changed and traditions were cast aside. They planned adventures in order to rev up their lives, as Abby suggested. Although she left surfing the internet to Etta because she, Abby, always had better ideas than a computer, when it came to finding things to do. So she was kind of ticked at Etta for getting on the computer, going to a dating web, and making a date with two old men. "Good, heavens, Etta, you don’t know what they are like. I never remarried because I couldn’t find a nice old man. They are not nice, I tell you. You won’t find one in this blind situation. And I don’t want some strange man to come to dinner."

"Oh, they are too nice . . . Think of it as a blind date, Abby, think of the fun," urged Etta, and typed in an address at the nearby mall. With a flourish, she signed herself Louise.

"Help me remember that name, will you? I told them you were Anna. Is that all right with you? Their names are Bill and Ed."

"No," Abby said a bit crossly, "I won’t answer to that, sure as the world. If I cannot be myself, I want no truck with any man." Truck meaning association, she had once explained to Etta whose vocabulary was derived from years of teaching English in a nearby college and contained none of today’s vernacular.

"Well, I will go by myself, then!" Etta declared emphatically.

"No you won’t. I could never live with myself if something happened to you, going out to meet strangers alone. Even if it is a crowded mall," Abby countered.

"We go to the gym every week over there, Abby. Don’t be so stubborn, my dear. You want adventure as much as I do. Now try to experience it. If we don’t like them, we can always come home, and avoid the mall for a few days. They’ll never be able to find us."

"Want to bet?" challenged Abby. "All right, I’ll go along – Friday afternoon, then. Only as Abby and Etta, mind you. But I have a much better idea. Etta, we need to take a trip around the world."

Etta’s jaw dropped, "Around the world? How would we do that on our small income? I don’t have that kind of money and neither do you. We cannot even afford to take the kids to Disneyland — or that one in Florida. Tell me, wise one, what do you plan?"

Abby lifted her chin, "Simple. We rob a bank. There is a little one, that Towne Bank on Grassier Drive. It should be a cinch. No guards, two clerks and never anyone in there. I’ve even got a good gun we can use. Of course it’s plastic, one of the little kids left it, but it looks so real. It’s not real, so we wouldn’t have to shoot anyone."

Etta put down her coffee cup and stared at Abby. "Where in heavens name did this come from? You really mean this. I — I don’t know, Abby. If we were caught it could mean prison for the both of us. They wouldn’t put up with us, even if we tried to say we were just having fun."

"I didn’t say it was to be for fun. I am serious. We ask for a hundred thousand . . . that should cover our trip for two and everything we need. And they will give it to us, you will see."

"I don’t know, Abby. I don’t see us getting away with this. We should have reservations, and get away that same day so they can’t trace us. And what about a disguise? What shall we wear? We live in this town, for pity sakes. They’ll probably know us the moment we set foot in the place. And you know Dad Jameson — Ted, that is — is the bank guard down there, he’ll be in Santa regalia and all over us."

"He won’t recognize us. You will see. I have the best idea for disguises. . ."

"Abby, you can’t be serious," Etta stood up, then sat down again, ready to convince her friend that this was madness. But she was outmaneuvered by the cunning Abby, couldn’t even get to first base with her. She gave up after a heated argument, acquiesced graciously, and they began their extensive planning. This is never going to work, though. She was certain.

Meaning no disloyalty to Abby, nevertheless, Etta went home and searched the internet — she needed answers. In the end, she decided they could do this thing, and the idea of going around the world with Abby was becoming more and more exciting. She even contacted a travel agency and planned the trip down to the last ocean liner bringing them home. "Well, she sighed, "I guess it will be worth spending the rest of my life in jail for this. Because that is bound to happen to two foolish females who simply went out on a blind date, enjoyed a little intrigue at the bank, and took a trip around the world." I hope God will forgive our folly at Christmas, she thought.

The blind date turned out marvelously well. The gentlemen, Bill and Ed, were interesting indeed, and after a few refreshments, they made a date for another time, and dinner out, and all four went home feeling quite happy. They would get out to plays, concerts, movies and since Ed Mockley had a fine car, they would drive out to the country this fall. What a fine thing to return to, Abby had remarked. Etta seemed mollified by the corsages and candy from Bill and Ed.

When the zero hour arrived, the girls had not seen each other for several days. They were busy getting their hair color changed, selecting contacts to change the color of their eyes, losing ten pounds each — actually Etta got off twelve — and purchasing new wardrobes and luggage. They stored everything in a two room rental on Broad Street certain of secrecy.

How did their children react? With casual remarks about it being time for them to jazz up their looks; and of course the contacts were for later, for that day.

The anticipation of such an exciting trip transformed them into women ten years younger, astonishing even them. They had even played indoor tennis with their new gentlemen friends two days in a row, to the amazement of the families who did check on them often, and to their delight; it was as if they were ordained to complete success.

Abby and Etta had reasoned that Friday would be a good day for what they now called The Heist. It would be the bank’s busiest day of the week, since it was a holiday weekend . Feeling no compunction whatever, each sent her check to church since they planned to be away on Sunday; no one was the wiser, when in full disguise, they entered the Towne Bank at two o’clock on Friday, satisfied that they were totally transformed. So was the decorated bank.

"Good, Jameson is out to lunch. Oops, there he is, over there eating a Twinkie — goodness, that’s awful fattening for someone who is his age and who gets so little exercise," said Etta. "But it is Christmas . . ."

"Shush," cautioned Abby, "let’s get this done. I am for New York City tonight. Come on, I can handle this. Here hold the shopping bag. . . oh, dear, I didn’t think about getting a cashier’s check which would be lighter, well no time to change now. I just hope the one bag will hold it. If she gives me hundreds that will be too many, maybe I can ask for a few thousand dollar bills. Would they be too hard to cash? It will have to be hundreds . . . Here we go!"

They stepped up to the first open cashier’s window and Abby took the gun from her winter coat pocket, and held it close to her chest. Second mistake: she said, "This is a heist, Linda Graves. I want—"

"Why Abby, honey," said Linda, "how are you? Happy Holidays! What can I do for you today? Does your grandson know you have his play gun? Aren’t they real looking though." She peered closely at Abby, "You look real nice, Mrs. Edwards. You and Etta Sample look marvelous. Younger every day. My, my. So do you want to debit or credit this time? Just give me your slips . . .you said it is a heist?" Linda began to laugh. "That’s cute. Everyone in town knows you two are real cut-ups. So, can we get on with your banking, please."

Etta, chagrined now at the exposure, stepped up and said, "She wants to make a withdrawal. That is what she said. One hundred thousand dollars in one-hundred dollar bills, please. And make it snappy. We want it in the bag, please."

"But, but," sputtered Linda, "which account, or accounts please? There isn’t that much in your checking, either one of you. Gosh, I don’t think it will fit in this shopping bag — Ladies, are you serious? Is this some prank? You are wanting to rob this bank?"

"What seems to be the trouble, Linda," asked Bank Manager Brad Honeycut. "Just do as they have requested, please. Here let me help you. . ." He began carefully fitting a pile of what looked like hundred dollar bills into their bag, and when it was full, he handed it over and said, "Have a good trip ladies. I will see you as usual on the first of the month for your pension deposits." He waved a hand dramatically and said, "Good sailing. Enjoy New York City this evening. Sardi’s is sure to be on your list. Bye, Ladies. Happy Holidays."

Abby and Etta looked at each other. There was an eerie silence in the bank. Abby said, "Etta, what do you suppose is going on? Maybe if we step out the door, like in the department stores, the police will nab us and we’re done for. Prison. Okay, my friend, I am out of this. Enough all right, back to normal. No more playing for me."

Abby lifted the bag back up onto the counter, "We’ve changed our minds. This was just an adventure, nothing serious. We won’t be going after all. So take this back. I need to get home, after I pick up my cat."

From behind the counter crawled their families — all of them —laughing, and hugging them. "What’s this?" Abby squeaked, "What are you all doing here?"

Abby’s son Miles said, "Mom. It’s all right. We got wind of this and have made it possible for you to go. Just take the bag, you can travel safely with it, but there are travelers’ checks for along the way, and the monetary exchange we made here, so that’s taken care of. Pack it well in your new luggage. It’s not a hundred thousand, but plenty to see you through. We went into the computer and got all your plans!" He laughed, "And so you are all set."

"Oh, mother, don’t cry", Etta’s eldest daughter, Jill said. "You will love this. Go and be happy, and drink wine and eat foreign food, and write to us. But every day, you must phone home to let —"

"Yeah, like ET! Phone home!" yelled two grandchildren, giving each other a high-five.

"Well, this does beat all," sighed Abby. "That sneaking computer betrayed us, Etta. I will never trust the darned thing again. I am done with busybodies looking into my plans. Of course, it is nice that we don’t have to go to prison for robbing the bank . . . can you believe our kids?"

"Sometimes it seemed like we didn’t exist for them except on Sunday," said Etta. "And now this. I am so full of love for them all, I could burst. How will we ever repay them, I wonder."

"No time left, you two must get going," Abby’s daughter Faith told them, laughing.

Etta and Abby hugged each other and then all their children, picked up the bag of checks and foreign currency, and hurried to the door.

Before letting it close, Etta called back, "We will see you all in about a month, or a little longer. And then you will be put on restriction, children! Every Sunday for each one that we are away, you will make up by coming to dinner with us. Until then, thank you all so much, and farewell," she said dramatically; tears streamed down her cheeks. Tears of joy almost as copious as Abby’s.

They looked at each other, waved, and went out to the waiting taxi.

Beginning a month later, on their first Sunday back home, Etta and Abby cooked dinner for their families for two months. And that included two elderly gentlemen, Bill Foster and Ed Mockley, whom they had met at the mall during the blind date that Etta had set up by computer, before their attempted bank heist. They distributed to all the gifts that they had brought back with them from around the world.