Short Story: The Sweetie

ShortbreadElena NicolShort Stories › The Sweetie

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About this Short Story

Written by
Elena Nicol


very short, short story. What happens when someone eats a sweet...


  • 159 Words
  • 12 Comments
  • 92% Community Rating
  • 396 Views

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"Riff raff riff."

The rustle of the wrapping resounds in the empty flat and echoes in my brain triggering a Pavlovian reaction.

I am salivating profusely when the wrapping finally opens and the sweet-sour smell of raspberry hits my nostrils.

"Mhmhh."

I anticipate the pleasure.

The sweetie looks very small, puny but very red and shiny like a tropical flower.

It feels sticky and rough in my fingers… very inviting.

I rush it to my mouth; the sweetness fills my tongue and the sourness tenses my tonsils.

It provokes in me a sudden wave of happiness and I start laughing, laughing in big bursts until my tummy aches.

Suddenly the damned thing, like an insect, crawls into my throat and slips deep down.

"Cough!"

I can't… bre-athe…

In panic, I realize I am alone in the flat…

I can't…

I am forced to silence, and start to loose consciousness…

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Tommy Malcolm said "Aw! What a shame. Did you leave any sweeties when you departed? Loved it."
1 year ago
Elena Nicol replied saying "Hello Tommy, thank you for your comments! I wish I can send you a sweetie! LOL I have others in here and I am working on a novelle about a vampire, you will be the first one to read the draft if you want :)"
1 year ago
David Gonzalez Jr. said "I gotta say I wasn't expecting that at all. Well done!"
1 year ago
Elena Nicol replied saying "I am living is Scotland but I was born in Mexico. Cool to see you around here!!! keep in touch and upload some stories soon, I would love to read you :)"
1 year ago
David Gonzalez Jr. replied saying "How about yourself? Where you from? Got any more good stories to share?"
1 year ago
David Gonzalez Jr. replied saying "I'm from new jersey but I'm puerto rican"
1 year ago
Elena Nicol replied saying "Thank you!! I was trying to see how mall I could do a scary story! David, where are you from, Gonzalez is a Spanish Lastname..."
1 year ago
Jay Leffew said "A little gem; it would be interesting to see what would happen if 'Shortbread' ran a competition for the shortest successfully executed short story... The winner would not necessarily be the very shortest..."
1 year ago
Elena Nicol replied saying "Thank you Jay, I wanted to see how far I could go, maybe not short in terms of number of words, but in narrative ;) Is delightful to hear people like what you do, thanks again :)"
1 year ago
Diane Dickson Guest Editor said "Yikes. somebody - quick !- this was very powerful considering its teeny tiny size. well done"
2 years ago
Diane Dickson Guest Editor replied saying "the shortest story I am aware of is a real heartbreaker. I think it was by Hemingway who I hope will forgive me copying it in its entirety - "For sale, baby shoes, never worn." for me that is class."
2 years ago
Elena Nicol replied saying "Thank you! :) I always try to have an unexpected twist in my stories, in this case, I wanted to see how short a short story can be... ;)"
2 years ago

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