Short Story: The Room

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Written by
Gus Glynn

A descriptive piece with a little twist in the tail.

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The room is cold and damp. If your eyes were closed and you stood near the centre of the room you might at first think you were outside, but for the quiet, the peculiar stillness afforded by the deep hard cushion of damp stone walls. Should you move slowly to the rough-hewn wooden table that stands over the centre of the room, and were you to light the thick round candle that stands in the exact centre of the table you might be surprised at how far the light would span from the centre of the room, out to the walls and up, up to meet the blue and silver glow, shining ceaselessly through the glass domed ceiling from the night sky above, like the endless breathing of some long forgotten gods, all moonlight, planets, constellations and vacuous deep black star mottled darkness. And should you stand long enough for the…

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Gus Glynn replied saying "A prison for stray adjectives? What a wonderful idea, would that it were so. Thanks for the hints, very happy you enjoyed it-Gus"
4 years ago
Kate Smart Guest Editor said "I thought this was marvellous! I think you're a true writer - keep going keep GOING and write a book. Thanks for a lovely descriptive read."
4 years ago
Gus Glynn replied saying "Well that's praise indeed! I really enjoyed writing this and I'm very happy you like it so much. Thanks for your very encouraging comments - Gus"
4 years ago
Adam West Guest Editor said "Observant is not my middle name - I am too easily distracted and was of course in this case attracted to the sumptuous description to notice the absence of a door but I was thinking in the background about what the building might be? Unusual idea/delivery - many thanks, Adam"
4 years ago
Gus Glynn replied saying "Thanks Adam, I have several theories as to what the room might be but most of them occurred to me after I finished writing it. I was just enjoying the descriptive thing, seeing if I could pull it off. Glad you liked it, many thanks-Gus"
4 years ago
Diane Dickson Guest Editor said "I rather liked the tone of this and you had it paced very well. It seemed to me a piece that you probably enjoyed writing, I love such rich prose and enjoyed much of the descriptions. I did think that at times you had missed a couple of unintentional repetitions and though it is sometimes fun to use repeated words for impact I think it has to be done with care. Central is one that springs to mind. I would like to have listened to this with my eyes closed the better to appreciate the place and if given the right delivery i should think that would work well. A tad overwritten here and there I suppose but playing with language like this is so very addictive isn't it. Loved the end. - Diane"
4 years ago
Gus Glynn replied saying "Many thanks Diane, you're spot on, I very much enjoyed writing this piece and maybe got a little carried away with the prose style at times. It was an exercise in descriptive prose to see if I could get away with it and I reckon the jury's still out. The repetition of the word central was intentional but I'm not sure that it worked for what I was trying to suggest. Thanks again for your kind and perceptive comments, Gus"
4 years ago
Nik Eveleigh Guest Editor said "Hi Gus. I also struggled to connect with this one - James has summed up the reasons far more eloquently and precisely than I would manage. I thought there were some great lines - "like the endless breathing of some long forgotten god" was a favourite - but there were also a few descriptions that felt borderline fantasy-cliche (this is not the first rough-hewn wooden table I've come across!). Look forward to reading more from you. Cheers, Nik"
4 years ago
Gus Glynn replied saying "Thanks for the feedback Nick, much appreciated. I will try to avoid putting 'rough-hewn wooden tables' in your path in future stories, hehe :)"
4 years ago
James McEwan Guest Editor said "Hi Gus, an interesting description of a pit or goal or perhaps it is a metaphor for a person, who is trapped by inertia. As the reader I didn’t feel engaged and although there was a mystical and ethereal atmospheric tone the emotional effect was dampened. I think this was because you address the reader (you) and use if and should. I couldn’t attach myself to a character, who may have been trapped in the pit and hence experience the situation. Just my opinion. James."
4 years ago
Gus Glynn replied saying "Thanks for the feedback James, it's very helpful to get honest opinions and very much appreciated, Gus"
4 years ago

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