Short Story: That's Minnesota

ShortbreadMark PatrickShort Stories › That's Minnesota

Please log in or join for free to download, rate and comment on this story. You can read online without being a member!

About this Short Story

Written by
Mark Patrick


A Midwest tale


  • 6769 Words
  • 32 Comments
  • 80% Community Rating
  • 2803 Views

Add to Bookshelf

Competitions & Prizes

Hometown Tales

Winner!
1st Place!

I stepped over an egg-shaped pumpkin and rang my parents’ doorbell. An autumn wreath hung on the door, encircling one of the three triangle windows. I leaned in, spotting a shadow through the opaque glass. The lock clicked and the door flew open.

“Come in, come in, Pete. Did you forget your house key?” My mom glanced up at me through her rimless glasses before tilting to the left and gazing down the gravel road.

I patted my pockets. “Must be at home.”

The key was in my pocket. I moved out seventeen years ago, but I didn’t feel a sense of freedom until I started ringing the doorbell.

“Never mind, it’s so good to see you.”

I bent my knees, waist, and neck, and gave her a hug. She squeezed the cold air out of me with her short arms. “It’s good to see you too, Mom.”

She grabbed at the collar of my jacket. “Can you believe this weather?…

  Read Short Story     Download Short Story


Please login or join for free to rate this story.


This story has yet to be reviewed!


This comment has been removed; this user is no longer a member of Shortbread.
Mark Patrick replied saying "Hi Jon, I'm happy to hear you didn't notice too many changes with the story. I'm always worried when I do substantial editing like I did for this one (added about 2,000 words, mostly in the last scene), I might take the fun out of the original story. Yep, I'm always thinking up fresh stories. Now, I just need to sit down and write them. But Little Mr Peterson is next up. Thanks, -Mark"
3 years ago
Mark Patrick said "Story updated on 4/15/2011"
3 years ago
Mari Hinrichs said "oh what a great story... I smiled the whole time. Very enjoyable. You are very funny!"
4 years ago
Mark Patrick replied saying "Thank you Mari"
4 years ago
Richard Bissell said "Did you really mean that you "padded" your pockets. "Patted" your pockets might make more sense. Except for this typo, I enjoyed your story."
4 years ago
Mark Patrick replied saying "Good catch with the typo, Richard, much appreciated. I'm actually editing this story now, so it was good timing."
4 years ago
Evelyn Marentette said "Great twist Mark. You hook the reader and don't let go until you're finished. I enjoyed it."
4 years ago
Mark Patrick replied saying "Thank you Evelyn. I'm reworking on this story now and the word count keeps going up, so I'm hoping that "hook" is still there when I'm finished."
4 years ago
David Oconnor said "Good story, I liked it."
4 years ago
Mark Patrick replied saying "Thanks David"
4 years ago
Susan Donim said "Congratulations Mark! A well deserved win, hope you have a fab time in Spain!"
4 years ago
Mark Patrick replied saying "Thanks Susan! Really appreciate that you take the time to read and comment on my stories. Means a lot to me."
4 years ago
Angela Dyer Guest Editor said "Congratulations, Mark - they've said it all below, but I loved it too. (Spain for that honeymoon with Sydney?)"
4 years ago
Mark Patrick replied saying "Thanks Angela! I don't know, Sydney and I have our hearts set on Dundee in the winter..."
4 years ago
Kate Smart Guest Editor said "Well done Mark - a worthy winner. I'm sure you'll go on to have great success with your writing. Have a wonderful time in Spain - I hope you'll write about it."
4 years ago
Mark Patrick replied saying "Thanks Kate! I'm really excited. I've never been to Spain before."
4 years ago
Diane Dickson Guest Editor said "Lovely really lovely, quirky and silly and a bit outrageous. I can fully understand how this is a winner. congratulations"
4 years ago
Mark Patrick replied saying "Thanks Diane! Silly sums this one up. Happy you liked it. -Mark"
4 years ago
This comment has been removed; this user is no longer a member of Shortbread.
Richard Ardus said "Crackin'! read it with a big smile!"
4 years ago
Mark Patrick replied saying "Thanks Richard, that's the reaction I was looking for"
4 years ago
Marilyn Ainsworth said "hi mark, thanks for your lovely comments about 'jenny' . Just read 'Minnesota' I think you are a script writer at heart, your dialogue is flawless. good luck."
4 years ago
Mark Patrick replied saying "Thank you Marilyn! I agree with you about scriptwriting, since I don't think I would ever have the patience to try to write a book"
4 years ago
John Slater said "Hi Mark Thanks, for an enjoyable read. Thought it could maybe be tightened a wee bit, here and there. Nothing drastic. Only mentioned because you asked. Anyway all the best."
4 years ago
Mark Patrick replied saying "Thanks John, I'm always in the editing process with my stories, so point well taken."
4 years ago
Mark Patrick said "Hi all, thanks for the nice comments. I'm on my way back to Minnesota for a month and hoping my mom didn't read this and get any wacky ideas... Susan, I will take no responsibility for convincing you to say yes to your mom's proposals:)"
4 years ago
Kate Smart Guest Editor said "Everyone's said it all already Mark - lovely story, great writing!"
4 years ago
This comment has been removed; this user is no longer a member of Shortbread.
Mark Patrick replied saying "Two more and then back to Little Mr. Peterson..."
4 years ago
Lucy Goldsborough said "Apols for bland comment but I very much enjoyed this. It made me chuckle. I especially liked the portrayal of the shift in dynamics between parents and their children when their children are actually adults (the bending down to hug Mum, stepping oer pumpkins, the inevitability of the apple pie etc)."
4 years ago
Susan Donim said "Really enjoyed reading this, I was a little apprehensive at first as it seemed a little clich├ęd and perhaps a little too sweet, but I was won over in the end by the sharply written dialogue and humour throughout. Perhaps I should say yes the next time my mum tries to set me up... :p"
4 years ago

Read and Download American Short Stories

Read That's Minnesota by Mark Patrick and other American short stories at Shortbread!
Also, write short stories, enter short story competitions and listen to audio short stories online for free!