Short Story: Privatization In Mind

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Written by
Kevin Thomson


A few thochts on the issue o' mental health


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There wiz a mannie on the TV last nicht spikin’ aboot the mental health problem. Aye, there’s a lot ‘o that aboot nooadays. “The best way forward with the whole field of mental health is, undoubtedly, privatization of the sector” said he. Noo he seemed a cliver kind ‘o lad, hid a degree fae the London School o’ Economics, wore a suit, fite sark an athing, bit ma mither said she thocht he wiz a richt feel. Well, ye micht think that privatizin’ mental health sounds mental bit I decided tae consider the hale thing tae see if there wiz maybe some methadone in his madness.

First ‘o a’ there’s that Bipolar disorder, an afa’ thing richt enough. Noo if ‘at wiz privatized they could dee a share issue and sell aff the shares. The share price wid ging up one day an’ doon the next an’ that’s jist like the disorder…

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Hugh Cron said "Hi Kevin, just a re-visit to see if you will get any more reads. It makes the site look as if it is alive again. My previous comments still apply All the very best my friend. Hugh"
3 years ago
Kevin Thomson said "Thanks a lot for reading and commenting Sandy. Good to hear you're at level C2 (Common European Framework) in Doric!"
3 years ago
Sandy Wardrope said "Hi Kevin, Good stuff, well done. I managed the Doric quite well due to me working offshore for a few years and found it a bit nostalgic. One of many times on the platform we listened to an ex sub-mariner with his BBC perfectly pronounced English tell us that 'A heavy lift is about to take place above modules one and two. All unauthorised personnel please keep clear of this area.' That became, in Aeberdonian; 'Hi loons, a heavy lift is aboot tae happen ower modules wan and twa, abdae bide awa'. Priceless, you couldn't make it up. All the best, yours Sandy W"
3 years ago
Kate Smart Guest Editor said "Nice piece - I do love the Doric! I remember only too well when privatisation of the NHS began in the 80s. Ghastly business. Coincidentally book of the week on radio 4 last week was The Last Asylum by Barbara Taylor, a very interesting account of her own experiences of the system at the time (80s) and also of the changes that have occurred since, leaving people in many cases worse off - I agree with much of what she says."
3 years ago
Kevin Thomson replied saying "Many thanks for reading and for your comments Kate."
3 years ago
Nik Eveleigh Guest Editor said "Some absolutely brilliant lines in this...and if I can scrape together twelve quid I'm outbidding Adam for the methadone gag. The dialect was hard to navigate but it adds so much to the piece that it was well worth the effort - I'm just glad everyone is in bed and can't laugh at my attempts to speak it out loud to decipher some of the phrases! Well done on a great blend of funny and serious. Cheers, Nik"
3 years ago
Nik Eveleigh Guest Editor replied saying "I did six months project work in Glasgow several moons ago - and although the accent is no doubt different it clearly gave me a few pointers!"
3 years ago
Kevin Thomson replied saying "Thanks a lot for reading Nik and your comments are really appreciated. It's very interesting to hear what you say about the dialect as I did wonder if anybody from outside Scotland would manage to follow. Twelve quid sounds good to this Aberdonian!"
3 years ago
Adam West Guest Editor said "Satirising privatisation (my US spell checker wants me to substitute the 's' in both of these words with a 'z' and I say no) and the drug companies AND the lackeys (Psychiatrists) of said companies is a neat trick done with some a real eye for detail, Kevin. Had that blend of funny and serious the likes of Mitchell & Webb do so well. I am presently residing (in a literary sense) in Leith and yes it's a fair leap to Aberdeen but having already read Trainspotting and Skagboys - currently 2/3rds the way through Porno - I managed it. I would stick to using the - dare I say it - English English spelling of privatisation though. The Methadone gag was priceless - okay, I'll give you a tenner for it - nice work - ATB - Adam"
3 years ago
Kevin Thomson replied saying "Thanks a lot for reading and for your very interesting insights Adam. I did hesitate over the spelling of "privatisation" and went for the American "z" although I ususally do use the English "s". Aye, fair play to ye on getting through the Doric an cheers for that tenner!"
3 years ago
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Kevin Thomson replied saying "Thanks a lot for reading Robert. I really appreciate your comments."
3 years ago
James McEwan Guest Editor said "Ma Gran says the young folk these days aw ways go'in on aboot tablets, yi see 'em aw aroon wi' tablets. D'a menta ma Gran - aw furget it. Nice dig at privitisation, James."
3 years ago
Kevin Thomson replied saying "Thanks for readin' James. Aye, young folk these days goin' on aboot tablets. I wish I'd thocht o' that!"
3 years ago
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Kevin Thomson replied saying "Jeff, thanks a lot for reading. I realise that the "Doric" dialect of North-East Scotland might make this piece quite inaccessible for many people in Edinburgh let alone Lubbock. I just felt it was important to do my small bit to help keep the Doric alive and well."
3 years ago
Diane Dickson Guest Editor said "On the one hand I thought this was very witty - again I loved the dialect and some of the lines in there were absolutely priceless but of course there's so much more to it than that. This piece made a very serious point and though I love the way you have presented it I do hope that readers also pick up on what you are trying to get across because in my humble opinion it is a very serious and important issue. - Diane"
3 years ago
Kevin Thomson replied saying "Thanks very much for this feedback Diane- very useful for me to get this."
3 years ago
Anthony Wobbe said "Kevin between both of your stories I've had an hour of working on my Scott's dialect. Alas, capm' Aye doont ave the powr:0) This is going to take a few more reads but I had a blast giving it a go, and I'll be back. Thanks for the fun."
3 years ago
Kevin Thomson replied saying "Thanks a lot for reading Anthony. The "Doric" spoken in North-East Scotland can be very tricky to understand but I can see you're getting the hang of it."
3 years ago
Hugh Cron said "Kevin, I have read this straight after your other work. Again I cannot sing your praises high enough. Your understanding of this subject is obvious. The methadone line is inspired. This may be against every bone in your body but I would urge you to post this again without the dialect. I think you may find that your cynicism may be even stronger and it would appeal to some people who couldn't grasp the language. Please, please, don't take that as a criticism, I just believe that as many people as possible should read this. All the very best. Hugh"
3 years ago
Kevin Thomson replied saying "Hi Hiugh, Thanks very much for reading this and the feedback is much appreciated. Posting it again without the dialect might indeed be a very good idea. Thanks again, Kevin"
3 years ago

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