Short Story: My Best Birthday

Short Story: My Best Birthday

Chapter 1

"And you've got another think coming!"

Although it was directed at Dad, my sister and I ducked behind the settee.

"Mum's not in a good mood again."

"What's Dad done now?" Sue whispered.

"Nothing that I know about." I had to admit we were unaware of the start of the discussion between Mum and Dad. It came from upstairs and went unanswered from the kitchen. Heavy objects were being moved around in their bedroom. It made the sitting room light jangle.

"Would anyone like a cup of tea?" Dad asked from the kitchen. There was the noise of the tap running and the kettle going on the stove. Sue and I weren't tea drinkers but to give Dad moral support we said "Yes" and emerged from behind the settee.

Thumping footsteps hardly muffled by her fluffy slippers came down the stairs.

"I'll 'ave one if you're brewin'". Mum's spirits seemed to have improved as she entered with a smile on her face. She was laden with two heavy looking cardboard boxes. The grin was still there as she triumphantly put the boxes in the middle of the kitchen floor. Sue and I looked at each other with the expression of "Where did they come from?" Mum undid the tight knots of the rough string holding the boxes closed. as the string fell to the floor, we all moved closer. Mum took out six pristine smaller boxes, on which were coloured pictures.

"They've been in the loft since your Dad and me got married. Uncle Percy and Aunt Madge gave them as a wedding present. God rest their souls. Not seen them since. Not Perce and Madge nor the presents." Mum had a gleam in her eye like a triumphant warrior.

"Why have you got 'em down now?" Dad was getting his confidence back.

"It's not every day Jim has a birthday!"

With all the excitement of the school summer holidays I'd thought everyone had forgotten. It's not every day Jim has a double figure one. The start of a lifetime of birthdays until the Queen acknowledges those antiques who get to triple figures. The Queen will be dead old when I get a telegram. I wonder what she does for her birthday? Does her Mum lose her rag as well?

"What you got then Mum?" Sue was very nosey and was itching to open the boxes. Like it was her birthday!

"Well what presents did Perce send then? It seems like centuries since we got married". If looks could kill Dad would have dropped on the spot. Mum's mood hadn't improved that much.

"As it's Jim's birthday tomorrow we are going to that Safari Park that's just opened and we need the picnic set. Mum's gleam had returned. "And so you've got another think coming!" This last remark was directed at Dad. He looked deflated.

"But the World Cup doesn't happen every year like birthdays."

Mum's left eyebrow raised and quizzed Dad.

"Well England don't qualify for the Final every year! Dad was emphatic, although not cutting any ice with Mum.

"I don't know much about football."She emphasised every syllable. "I don't know anything other than it's a waste of time for grown men!"

Well that's alright for me then I thought.

"But it's the Germans!" Dad kept up the pressure. "Alf Ramsey has done well to get this far." The argument was wearing thin.

"It's my birthday, so can't we stay here and watch it on the telly?"

Mum turned slowly towards me. The gleam had gone and her eyebrows were knitting themselves just above her eyelids. I think that means a "no" then.

"Jim's right. It's his birthday and he should decide!" Dad didn't seem too confident of himself.

Mum took a deep breath and stated quite bluntly that my birthday will be celebrated at the new safari park with the lions, giraffes and a picnic.

"What about the dog?" Sue was getting in on the act with a pertinent question. "Can he come with us? He would like to see the animals".

"You'll have to ask your Mum."

"Oh, I don't know. I'll have look at the advert. Has anyone seen the newspaper cutting? I left it on the mantlepiece."

Dad went bright red and left Mum to look around.

"It was here before. I remember putting it here. It hasn't fallen into the fire has it? No it couldn't. It was under the clock."

Dad knew better than to suggest that Mum's memory was playing tricks.

"You haven't been lighting your pipe with it have you Dad?" Sue enquired.

"I've not seen it at all." Dad lied.

"We'd better not take him 'cos he might get eaten by the lions." I ventured.

"I suppose so. We've still got some dog food for him to eat up. We wouldn't want that left over." Mum agreed with finality.

The smaller boxes were opened by Sue and the contents placed on the side of the kitchen sink.

"Be careful with that flask! They're breakable! Put the other things here before they get knocked over. It's a good job there's someone else sensible in this house."

"What we having in this picnic then?" Dad enquired politely.

"Wait and see."

We always have 'wait and see' when Mum hasn't got a clue.

"Pop dow the corner shop Jim and get three slices of ham and two tomatoes."

Why Mum and Dad got a slice each and Sue and I had to share always irritated me. Especially when it was my birthday.

"Here's a ten bob note. And I want the change!" I always brought the change. Right down to the last ha'penny. No sweets for me.

"And no sweets!"

Chapter two

My tenth birthday started just like it had on the day before. The sun still shone through my bedroom window. The bed still squeaked when I turned over. Reaching double figures was not as I expected. I wanted an all-singing and all-dancing day.

There were splashes and gurglings coming from the washbasin the other side of the bedroom wall. I'd never had a lie-in sinced we moved in. Why I got this bedroom I don't know. Maybe it was because I was last up the stairs on the first day? Sue had a bigger bedroom than me. And she's smaller!

The baritone in the next room started humming a tune. Dad always hums when he's shaving. On a weekday I'd know it was just gone six o'clock. Even in the winter when the frost covered the inside of the bedroom window and my nose and ears seemed to glow in the dark with the cold. No need for a clock tick-tocking me awake all night. No frost today. Today is Saturday. It's my birthday. And it's the World Cup Final. At Wembley. On the telly. And I'm going to look at giraffes?

I could hear Sue scrabbling around looking for her toy animals to take to the safari park. Doesn't she know the animals won't be behind bars? If she shakes them at the lions they will get upset and bite the car's tyres. Won't they? Lions eat humans and that includes my sister. It'd ruin my birthday treat if the lions or any other animal ate Sue. They eat dogs as well so it's a good job we're not taking him with us. He'd wet the seat.

The humming was drawing to a crescendo as the shave came to a finale. Swishing the bowl, he broke wind, coughed and giggled. Don't Dads ever grow up? He can't blame it on the dog this time. The hum became a song. At least two of us are happy on my birthday. The words became less distinct as their bedroom door closed and the unspoken invitation to use the bathroom was offered.

The shuffle from Sue's room stopped and she marched across the landing. Oh God! That'll be it for the best part of half an hour now and I'd wanted to use the toilet.

I wriggled on to my side. What will I get for presents this year? Does a double figure birthday make it compulsory to get better ones than last year? My stomach gurgling reminded me to get up and get my breakfast. Even this early in the morning the lino on the bedroom floor wasn't too cold on bare feet. At least there was carpet on the stairs.

There on the mat by the front door were five white envelopes and one brown one. Two of the white envelopes were for Mum and Dad, three for me and no-one wanted the brown one. I took them into the kitchen and opened mine.

"Congratulations on your ninth birthday!" Who's this one from? Auntie Jess! She's still away with the fairies. The next one got the age right. Addressed to James! From Uncle Ted and Auntie Sue. They live in a posh house with two toilets. A pound note dropped on to the floor from the envelope. That can go in my new football fund jar. The last envelope didn't have a stamp on. That's from Jonny. He's my best friend from school. He was ten last month. I bet he got his Dad to drop it in on his way to work.

There were two envelopes with no stamps on propped up on the kitchen table. The little one had my name in Sue's best handwriting. She's remembered how old I am too. The bigger one had JIM written in capital letters. Mum and Dad do that every year to disguise the sender! The picture on the card had what thought was me scoring a goal with 10 on the scoreboard. Not bad for them.

Pouring cornflakes into a bowl with one hand and putting two slices of bread into the toaster with the other was like I remembered most of the last ten years. When I was little and Sue's age, I needed two hands to pour the cornflakes and Mum to pour the milk, I reflected. Where had all the years gone? Junior school had been a blur and next year I will be at senior school. A grown up.

"You finished with them cornflakes?" The box disappeared as Mum got a bowl and filled it up. We drew up chairs around the kitchen table and she kicked the empty cardboard boxes from yesterday to one side. "Don't forget to put that milk back in the fridge or it'll go off like it did last week." Mum reminded.

The toaster popped and Mum dreamily proceeded to scrape a knifeload of butter across the slices of my toast. "Get the jam from the fridge as you put that milk in son won't you?" The cornflakes and toast consumed, the dishes went into the sink as I heard the bathroom door open and I started up the stairs. "Come and do these dishes" was lost as I closed the bathroom door.

Chapter Three

The Mini was washed and polished. The green paint shone in the sun and so did my Dad's face as he put the bucket away. "We'll be the smartest car on the road today son." He beamed as he wiped his hand over the paintwork.

"How long do you think it will take us to get there Dad?"

"An hour and a half I reckon. Depends on the traffic and other things."

"What other things?"

"Yer Mother!"

"Why?"

"She'll be fussing around and checking things a hundred times. She wants this to be your best birthday."

You could have fooled me.

Sue brought her menagerie of wild animals and put them on her side of the car as Mum put the polished picnic set in the boot.

"You remembered the sandwiches Mum?"

"Yes and I've put some hot water in the flask for some tea when we get there. I'm not paying fancy prices for a cuppa."

"You remembered some cake and squash?"

"Yes. It's all in the picnic set. Looking just right."

"Well there's petrol in the tank. The car's all polished, so them lions will have to wear their sunglasses! Eh son?"

Chapter Four

One by one the windows opened to let some air in as we drove through the summer countryside. No wild animals to be seen, just boring cows.

"Are we nearly there yet?" piped up Sue.

"Another three quarters of an hour yet young'un. You'll see a big house just before we get there."

"What. Bigger than ours?"

"Much bigger. Bigger than your school."

"Are the animals in the house then?"

"No. They're out in the fields like those cows there."

The biggest cow moved closer as the car slowed for the road junction. Sue waved her toy lion which had no effect on frightening the cow away so she waved it more and gave a six year old roar. The cow seemed to smile and chewed twigs from the hedge.

"Are we nearly there yet?" Sue sulked.

"Have a snooze little chicken and when you wake up we'll be there."

Dad's polite suggestion made Sue open her eyes almost so wide her eyeballs threatened to pop out. She clucked and sulked some more.

It got hotter and now all the windows were fully open so nobody could hear Sue asking if we were nearly there.

"Now then. It looks like we're here. It hasn't taken as long as I thought it might. I suppose there are not as many cars about today. My. That house is a big one. I bet he's got some brass."

"Who owns it then Mum?" I asked.

"It said Lord Somebodyorother in the advert." she replied. "I bet he doesn't have to get up in the morning to make the animals' breakfasts."

"Or muck 'em out!" said Dad as we approached the pay booth.

"You don't get much change out of a tenner these days." Dad put the small change into his shirt pocket. "That'll do for a cuppa later on." he winked at me.

The young man at the wire meshed gate pointed his brown stained finger at a sign on it and his cigarette in the corner of his mouth mimed his words to close all our windows as we drove through.

"Well we're definitely here now kids." Dad turned to Mum and asked if she could see anything.

"Only grass and trees."

"Can we have our picnic now Mum?"

"Are you hungry already lass? It's not that long since you had your breakfast."

"We can't have it yet little lady." Dad agreed. "Anyway. We can't get it out of the boot until we get to the picnic area which is after the giraffes and wild buffalo."

What a tame buffalo is, I don't know and failed to mention. I was a bit peckish but could hold on for a short while. We drove around slowly looking at a field of brown grass and wilting trees searching for wild animals but couldn't see any. Steam and a loud clonking noise came from under the bonnet and the needle of the temperature gauge on the dashboard went up to the top of the dial.

"The engines got too hot. We'll have to stop!" Dad exclaimed.

"Put the fan on to cool it down then." suggested Mum.

"We'll cook with the windows closed, and we're not allowed to open them don't forget. I'll pull up under that big tree over there."

We drove off the metalled road, bumped over the grass and came to a steaming stop in the shade of the big tree.

"Still can't see any aminals." Sue had problems with words when excited.

We sat and looked at each other. Ten years and half a day had given me the wisdom to keep quiet when things didn't go the way Mum planned.

"Well if there's no wild animals around you can get out and fetch the food and drink from the boot." Mum ordered Dad.

"Ah. But the man on the gate said not to get out!"

"He said no such thing. He only pointed to the sign about keeping the windows shut. So we'll keep the windows shut while you go and get the food. See it's simple!"

"No. I think it's safer to stay here and wait. There will be a Ranger come along who'll help."

"They'll all be sat in their office watching the build up to the match." I moaned.

That failed to lift Dad's spirit.

"There's another car coming!" Sue exclaimed and squirmed in her seat.

"Wave them down. I'm sure they'll help." suggested Mum.

So we all waved vigorously.

They waved back and drove on.

The temperature in the car was going up quicker than the engine teperature was going down. I thought I saw steam come from Mum's ears but couldn't be sure. There wasn't much shade from the tree. But there was some movement from amongst the leaves.

Without Mum noticing, Sue had opened her window a little. A furry hand made it's way through the narrow gap. Sue screamed so loudly that Mum and Dad shot up from their seats and turned around to see a stuffed lion disappear through the space. It seemed the noise attracted more furry attention so she closed her window to stop further poaching.

"Where the blooming heck did they come from?" Mum coughed.

As we hadn't seen them approach Dad said they must have come from the tree.

A furry brow looked in through the back window as the boot lid opened and made Mum's eyes widen like I'd not seen before. The precious picnic set disappeared up into the branches. Mum's eyes widened even more and she went white. Dad flustered as Mum shouted for him to rescue her favourite picnic set.

"But it's our only picnic set!" He argued.

"It'll be our only, ex-picnic set if you don't get a move on." Mum had returned to near normality as she took charge of the fight-back.

There was a noise as something trickled onto the car roof. That made Mum stop. "The cheeky monkey's having a wee on our roof. Dad! Stop him!"

A squelchy splat landed next. Mum's eyebrows disappeared into her hair as her imagination ran riot.

"I don't think this is the time or place to start any conflict with our primate cousins." smoothed Dad.

Maybe we hadn't seen many animals but I could spot a chicken in the driver's seat.

A pale liquid ran down Mum's window.

"We're going and we're going now. Get this so-called car back onto that so-called road and we're going home NOW!"

Dad managed to start the engine and crunched the car into gear and left a stream of dust in our wake.

The monkeys threw the rest of the squash at the car and tucked into the cake and sandwiches.

CHAPTER FIVE

Dad stopped the car in the first lay-by we came to and checked the boot. There were no other bits missing, so he locked the lid. The car was starting to cool down now as we bowled along the deserted roads.

Dad lined the car up on the driveway and Mum strode into the house with a livid expression on her face.

Well, so far, my birthday hadn't quite made the all-singing and all-dancing day I'd hoped for. But we had made back home without further mishap.

So it was with a sigh of relief I heard Dad putting the kettle on the stove for a well earned cup of tea. Mum had gone straight to the bathroom to sort herself out.

"Well there's a nice cup of tea for you in the pot. You might need some extra sugar in it so I've brought it on the tray for you." Dad smiled at Mum as she came through the sitting-room door. It wasn't returned.

"Well, we've had a right day haven't we son? The car will wash OK and so that will get rid of the sticky mess."

At those words Mum's tea cup rattled as she put it back on her saucer. She wriggled in her chair as she composed herself.

"Anyone mind if I put the telly on?" Dad took the ensuing silence as a positive sign and clicked it and let it warm up for a few seconds. "Kick off in a few minutes eh son?"

Sue was crying in her bedroom as she contemplated life without her favourite toy. Mum went into the kitchen with the tray.

The music started. The presenter got excited. World Cup Willie, the England team mascot, filled the screen.

"You're the only flippin' lion I've seen today." I said to the telly.

Dad started to get excited himself, and sat on the edge of the settee.

"Just think lad. Who'd have thought it. 0-0 first game. Winning over Mexico and the French 2-0, eh? And what about Argentina. Couldn't fight their way out of a paper bag! 1-0.

Dad's face as Germany scored the first goal? It was a picture of devastation. His chin rested close to the floor. "We're not going to let them get the better of us. You wait!"

England's equaliser cheered him to the edge of his seat again. When Hurst and Peters scored, his eyes were open as wide as his mouth as he shouted more encouragement at the telly.

"Which ones are ours then?" Mum had reappeared from the kitchen.

"The ones playing in the dark shirts from right to left."

"Two minutes to go now son. We've got it in the bag! What! How did he do that?"

Kleber had put the ball past Banks and Dad sat back on the settee like a deflated balloon. "That'll be extra time now. Nobody can score in the next minute. Two all. Who'd have believed it? And in London an' all."

Happy blooming birthday!

Hurst battered the ball at the German goal and it bounced out. A strangled scream came from Dad as he leapt out of his seat. "They've allowed it! The linesman has allowed it! Well, now then son, that's a turn up.

Twenty nine minutes after the restart I thought Dad was having a turn.

"Three-two lad! We've won the flippin' World Cup! Well,well."

"And there's some people on the pitch. They think it's all over. It is now!" England's fourth goal crossed the line as the commentator finished his sentence.

What a birthday. England winning the World Cup. I'm sure I could hear the lions on the England shirts roar as the players climbed up the Wembley steps to receive the Cup from the Queen.

Dad sang and danced his way around the sitting-room and gave Mum a sloppy kiss.

"That'll do. Your tea's ready."

We all traipsed into the dining room which had been done out all special with balloons and paper streamers. There was a big square box on my seat. Mum brought in a big iced cake with 10 candles on it and placed it between the sandwiches and the fruit salad in the middle of the dining table.

"Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to Ji-im, Happy Birthday to you." Despite all that had happened at the safari park, Mum and Sue had organised a special tea with my favourite food. Tinned salmon sandwiches. Yum. Fresh fruit salad with sticky cherries in. Brill. And a big birthday cake. Not only did it have 10 candles but it had my name and a picture of a footballer with a red outfit on. That'll be me in ten years time.

I couldn't sit as the others sat down because of the big box on my chair.

"Go on then, open it up." Dad looked as excited as I felt.

The gaudy wrapping paper had footballers scoring goals. Was this a clue to what was inside or a reflection on the day's happenings?

The outer layer came off quickly enough. There were three sheets of newspaper tightly stuck to the box underneath. The family were shouting encouragement as my fingers fumbled with the paper layers. At last the box was exposed. Co-op pears? Never! Mum and Dad wouldn't do that to me.

"Open it up then!" they shouted.

The box wasn't heavy enough for tinned fruit. Whatever was inside didn't rattle when shaken. The lid opened to show a brand new leather football. I'd never had one of my own before. Even Jonny's not got one of these! I put both hands in to get it out. It looked and smelled lovely.

"Read what it says on it then." Dad was beside himself with pleasure and grinned.

Under the maker's name it said "To Jim on your 10th birthday from Liverpool Football Club" and eleven signatures.

"Dad got the ball done special for you." Mum smiled.

What a birthday! Attacked by monkeys. England winning the World Cup. And my own signed leather football. What a flippin' birthday!