Short Story: Monstering? I Blame Walter

Short Story: Monstering? I Blame Walter

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Monstering ain’t what it used to be y’know. Oh no, I used to be able to do a spot of monstering at will. Could frighten anyone I could and I wasn’t frightened to do so neither.

Little girls, they were easy to scare, just had to mention my name, that was enough.

Little boys on the other hand, well, they were a bit more of a challenge. They used to drum up something they ‘d call bravado where they’d act all big and tough – that was until the lights went out of course. After that they, like little girls, were pretty easy to scare.

I suppose it helped that I have two heads and that I’m four times the size of their parents. Having a certain persona that says I’m scary and that makes a lot of noise when I move about has proved helpful. Being able to develop my own ‘orrible stench of gut-wrenching body-odour combined with a hint of egg-rotting sulphur has also put people off, that, and a side salad of pond weed squelching from between my teeth when I smiled, I mean snarled.

A fearsome reputation was what was needed, and to be honest one of those could be drummed up in no time….with a bit of effort and know-how.

I blame Walter, of course, Walter or Walt as he is better known and that’s Walt as in Disney.

When he first started making his films, those black and white cartoons, they to be honest were quite scary, they even scared me once or twice. There was just something about them I didn’t like, and of course there was always the drolling spit spraying wolf that chased the three little pigs.

Monstering was OK in those days, Boris Karlov came along, he did a grand job, then Vincent Price and Christopher Lee all brought with them different but equally scary aspects of monstering.

Then Walt got in on the act. Cruella Deville she was good, she frightened many a child as she set about her plan to skin a ton plus one Dalmatians.

Then it all went wrong, monstering took a turn for the worse as Mr Disney introduced the wicked witch of the north, or was the east, or ,maybe the west. It wasn’t the south I know that but no matter. The wicked witch had one fatal flaw – she just wasn’t scary. She didn’t do monstering in any way or form. Don’t get me wrong she tried but the best she came up with was to turn herself into a blue dragon. I mean how scary is blue?

From that spawned Puff the Magic dragon and then all of a sudden we’re surround by an outpouring of fluffy niceness and monsters that just don’t monster, and so yes, I blame Walt for the fact that monstering just ain’t what it used to be. Sorry Walt I know you’re decent chap but monstering should really be left up to, well, monsters.