Short Story: In The Dread Of Night

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About this Short Story

Written by
Jeanne Quigley


What happens when panic sets in?


  • 430 Words
  • 9 Comments
  • 87% Community Rating
  • 197 Views

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Formula 500: First Lines

Competition Entry

This piece has not been edited by the ShortbreadStories team.

It was the light that woke him, but it was terror that kept him awake.

All around him it was pitch black, except for the light that seemed to be shining directly at him. But this was too dim to allow him to make out his surroundings.

He could feel his heart beating against his ribs. It sounded like thunder in his ears. Could no-one hear it? Was there no-one there at all? Please don’t let me be by myself, he whispered. Surely he couldn’t be alone?

But he was afraid to shout. Even though he wanted to. He didn’t even know if he would be able to shout if he tried.

Sweat broke out on his forehead. In a matter of minutes, his entire body was soaked. He could feel the sweat trickling down his back.

He pushed his arms against the restraints but wasn’t able to move them at all.

The sweat was dripping into…

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Esther Campion said "I liked your story especially the unexpected ending. You could try a bit of show don't tell and make more of the senses e.g. 'beads of sweat trickled along the burning skin above his brows' in place of 'sweat broke out on his forehead'. Just a thought. Writing is very personal and everyone's voice is unique to them. It's fun trying different things. Good luck."
8 months ago
Meg Malpass said "Always love an ending I didn't guess. Good luck with the comp."
8 months ago
Jeanne Quigley said "Jay, other than my obvious error in having 'don't panic' within a couple of sentences, I'd be interested in knowing what gave you a feeling of repetition in my story?"
9 months ago
Jay Leffew replied saying "Like I said, it was just a 'feeling'. Not sure I can explain because it wasn't word repetition; more like 'feeling' repetition, the blackness, I can't be sure..."
9 months ago
Jay Leffew said "Apart from a feeling of repetition here and there, this was well written, and the ending just right. Thanks and good luck."
9 months ago
Lorna Fraser said "I really liked the ending of this - great subversion!"
9 months ago
Jeanne Quigley replied saying "Hi Lorna, subversion is such a good word for a bit of a twist at the end. Thank you."
9 months ago
Diane Dickson Guest Editor said "Oh dear another one that I have to be careful what I say. Well all I can say is well done, great atmosphere and I absolutely loved the ending to bits. - Diane"
9 months ago
Jeanne Quigley replied saying "Hi Diane, glad you enjoyed it."
9 months ago

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