Short Story: Deserter.

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Written by
Jay Leffew


He was after me, and she'd got in the way...


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I caught her as she fell, her blood smearing the already dirt-caked fatigues I was wearing, and soaking my arm in crimson.

Would she live? I glanced around, wondering where the shot had come from, whilst feeling her neck for a pulse.

Still alive. I laid her gently back on the sacking behind a straw bale, cursing that an innocent had suffered what had been intended for me; then I saw the movement beyond the end of the barn, the careless glint of a watch, under the long black tube of a rifle barrel, swinging up to aim again, and I ducked.

My ammo ran out long ago, and I'd been running ever since. A glance around had shown me enough of the layout of the place to make me feel safe, until she walked in and saw me.

As a bullet thudded into the bale of straw I formulated my strategy. I was pretty sure I could squeeze between the stack of bales…

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Diane Dickson Guest Editor said "As has already been said Jay this seems to be a bit of a change for you and I congratulate you on pulling it off so well. The only thing I did wonder about was whether the last sentence would have been better somehow knitted in earlier on. With the title we already knew didn't we and for me as a humble reader it kind of took the edge of the drama. Well done anyway though it was very gritty. - Diane"
8 months ago
Jay Leffew replied saying "I get what you're saying; - me and my last obvious remarks eh? Maybe, in hindsight, it would've been better to convey that the other bloke was the deserter at the last moment...?"
8 months ago
Andy Bottomley Guest Editor said "I've been away from the site for a wee while, and so I thought I'd pop along to see what was going on..... Mmmmm.....Dark or as Desmond said 'Grim' - it is certainly no bedtime story but what I do like however and what I enjoy about short explosive pieces is the under microscope detail that naturally arises and then comes out through the writing - and you certainly captured that. So, thanks for that.....Andy"
8 months ago
Jay Leffew replied saying "Thank you all; this was an exercise in my writing group, beginning with a slightly different phrased first line..."
8 months ago
Desmond Kelly said "Grim. I see what you were about with this short piece - high impact, charged atmosphere, tense and dramatic to fit in with the sub 500 strategy. I think you achieved this extremely well. I'm not always convinced these short pieces contain much relevence beyond honing a writers instinct to provide greater detail. Anyway, good work Jay."
8 months ago
Adam West said "A rare action piece from you, Jay, done with aplomb...many thanks, Adam"
8 months ago

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