Short Story: Dancing With Lola

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Written by
Patrick Lawless


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  • 254 Words
  • 4 Comments
  • 89% Community Rating
  • 127 Views

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What rare woman can dance like Lola does,

With a little light and just enough of dark.

Is it something about the look of her,

her jewelled ears and smooth skin,

made honey colour by layers of sun.

And the way she had of being still.

Lola and I have danced,

sweating, naked in the moonlight,

Where the cool waters dash the rocks

and cover us in spray.

Lola, a butterfly in a web of black

knew how dancers moved and stayed in step.

We withdrew from the dance.

We became part of the hungry urgent grass.

Lola, leaning on me,

And I on the earth.

Is this the moment all dancers dance for,

as the hunger of our passions merge us.

The cherry blossoms that died that night

were so beautiful in their dying.

I did not weep, but rather held my breath,

as we rise bleeding and strive for cover.

Moonlight by the lake and Lola quite,

pale, in uncertain silence,

her words like whispers, creeping through a sea shell.

Then, like yellow moths…

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Julian Fields said "Haunting and evocative, very atmospheric. I think the last four lines spoiled it somewhat (too blunt and un-romantic), but otherwise I loved it. Such a wonderful picture of dancing by the sea, at night. Well done."
5 months ago
Jay Leffew said "Real, or as a dream? I like the hint of the corner of a mouth twitching at the end, and the 'layers of sun' at the beginning were heavy with warmth and passion, to awaken the imagination for what was to come. Very cleverly written. I actually felt the rhyming at the end interrupted the flow, and spoilt the effect, which is very strange..."
10 months ago
Patrick Lawless replied saying "Thanks for the comments Jay. Last year I wrote that for a local fest of poetry. The theme given was loosly based on "Lola Montez" who the Kinks sang about, and another song was " her name was Lola, she was a showgirl", rercorded by Barry Manilo. She was an Irish girl who brought down a monarchy. The history books say she was born in Co. Sligo, but the trurh is, that as her Mother passed through our town, heavily pregnant, she gave birth, the birth was later registered in Sligo. But I once knew a girl named Lola."
10 months ago
Diane Dickson Guest Editor said "Beautiful - that's all I can think of to say so I'll say it again - just beautiful - thanks - Diane"
10 months ago

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