Short Story: Daisy

ShortbreadSarah Lou SmithShort Stories › Daisy

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About this Short Story

Written by
Sarah Lou Smith


final part of the joneses trilogy. this is daisy's story. (i will combine the three stories when i have got someone to properly check grammer i have checked this carfully editing will sort out wht i have missed)


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Trying to remain quiet going up the stairs, Daisy was exhausted. She had just finished a sixteen hour day. Her daughter was twelve years old and asleep. Skye was home for the summer holidays.

Skye was born when Daisy was 17 and would be 13 in a few days. Despite being partner in the biggest law firm in the country, daisy always ensured that Skye's birthday was celebrated in style. Daisy felt guilty that she didn’t spend time with Skye as she wanted to. Daisy had booked a week holiday to spend time with Skye, but the case she was working on had been moved forward. The case was important as it led to more money.

This morning, after she had a sleep she was taking Skye to see her auntie and granny. They saw Skye at her boarding school. However, today they were treating Skye to a day out to celebrate her…

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Bernice Delucchi said "You didn't write Daisy with a capital letter quite a few times in this piece. At times I felt the writing was rather wooden; some sentences a little too short. I feel with a re-look and some editing this could be a good tale. Another tip - use more dialogue as it helps move the story along."
2 years ago
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Diane Dickson Guest Editor said "I think that you have a good idea going here, it's interesting to see the development of the little family, strong women working hard and making it through determination and love. I think that this last one would benefit from some tidying up and it would be lovely to see the trilogy all together. - Well Done - Diane"
2 years ago
Adam West Guest Editor said "I was glad to see some dialogue near the end - a good tip when editing your writing is to look what passages would work well as dialogue and which to keep as narrative - nicely written family saga with plenty of detail to help give it realism - many thanks, Adam."
2 years ago
Helen Somers said "Hi Sarah. Personally I am glad that Daisy and Skye will be spending more quality time together, but giving up being the partner in a successful law firm - that's a big sacrifice to make! Nice story. Just a little tip, try to separate conversation. If two people are speaking, you need to break up the dialogue, otherwise it can get confusing. Keep writing. Helen."
2 years ago

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