Short Story: Cornelia K. White Takes A…

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About this Short Story

Written by
Patsy R Liles


No longer a college girl, Cornelia is on location,as a Botanist has made a discovery, met a wonderful man, and made an enemy who would do her in. Would she live through the actions of this vicious person?


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  • 87% Community Rating
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Cornelia (Lea) White, on location in Northeastern Minnesota, stood filming a plant that grew from under huge boulders. Why would they do that? What nurture was there for life? Darkness, warmth, moisture, what dependence existed here that she could propagate in the lab? She had already collected several specimens and had them in her backpack in glass vials, but she would need help to move such huge rocks in order to investigate the source of energy which fed the roots. Professor Enueme – Bernard – would be here in a few moments and help her.

She stepped around carefully, because she was near a mountain precipice of some awesome drop, maybe fifty or more feet, down to the river’s edge. She would not like to find herself bouncing off the rocks and shale, and tree roots that held fast.

No longer the skinny girl with pale skin, just out of college and a…

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James McEwan said "Hi Patsy, I am going to be straight with you, as the Americans say. This is not your best work. You have the contents of a good story, with the idea of jealousy and human emotions, however I think it falls flat. In places it laboured and was difficult to follow as the sentences meandered. Perhaps if you cut out the abundance of adverbs that seemed to over write this piece. I am not sure what image you wanted me to get from, 'Her body was encased in snug khaki cargo pants that revealed her rounded bottom'. I won't say what I saw..I noted from a previous story and this one, how 'camps come to life'. Patsy, forgive me if this sounds harsh, perhaps a rewrite might be best. James."
10 months ago
Patsy R Liles replied saying "No forgiveness necessary. I am pleased at your critique. This story was earmarked for a novel. I am not clever enough to take it into shortstories, I see. Have you read the first Cornelia? It is on my list at Shortbread. I too, can see that it is a sequel and would need to be tagged to be understood. Perhaps not my best work, but with your generous view I can now improve. Thanks James. Patsy"
10 months ago
Diane Dickson Guest Editor said "Although I found parts of this quite gripping I have to agree with Jay, I think that if this had taken a more leisurely pace it might have benefited, still and all a timeless story with a couple of novel twists - well done - Diane"
10 months ago
Patsy R Liles replied saying "Diane, thanks, the original Cornelia rather set the pace, but I wanted to go slower and wound up with one over 3000 words! Editing sometimes spoils everything, but your comments contribute much to future efforts. Thanks. See you. Patsy"
10 months ago
Jay Leffew said "Can't help the occasional slip of the finger, Patsy! You had quite a drama here, but somehow managed to write it in a way which seemed somehow detached. I don't know if this was because you also seemed to be hurrying to the dénoument, or if you felt you didn't want the story to drag, but I felt the need of a little hiatus of mystery here and there, as investigations were instigated, and you kind've hopped over that part with hardly a glance. . . . . Good plot, but you mustn't forget the importance of intrigue in such a story; I would rather 'find out' who the perp was through the 'investigation'."
10 months ago
Patsy R Liles replied saying "I wrote this second Cornelia months ago, and it was too long for Shortbread. Something is lost when one has to edit out words that can create that real life feel. This was earmarked for a novel, but there are others in the works, so decided to try this as a short story. Then a sequel. I value your comments so much. Never know truly on our own do we, what's needed. Thanks. Patsy"
10 months ago
Patsy R Liles said "I just went over this again. Drat, I made a note to spell that rock 'boulder' but it came out bolder! Don't give up on me, friends. Patsy"
10 months ago

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