Short Story: Cheshm

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Maysam Kandej

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  • 248 Words
  • 21 Comments
  • 97% Community Rating
  • 1056 Views

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Formula 500: Myths and Legends

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Markazi. Central province of Iran. The land of ancient wells! There's one story that nobody knows, but me, and you! The story of "Cheshm". The "Big Eye". It is 0.5 meter in height, and lives in old wells of one village called "Kohan". This is a true legend. People think storytellers tell lie! I really hope they learn in time it's not true!

"Cheshm" has no hands or legs, no ears or lips! It's just a Big Eye. It's all in white. It lives alone in wells. If it ever see you, you would become an indifferent man. No matter how far you are! It can't affect women nor children, but men!

Today, I'm here. I'm going down the well. I want to see this monster. I want to kill it. I really don't want to see any more indifferent man around! Now, I'm here at the bottom of the well. It's…

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Julian Fields said "Quite a nice story, reminiscent of a camp-fire story-teller. I like the idea of "the Land of Ancient Wells" -a very good description. If the Cheshm lives in more than one well, how does it move between them? Does it come above ground to do so, or does it follow underground watercourses? You say it is "all in white". Does this mean has white clothing or a white body? It's interesting that the Cheshm only affects men -I would have expected it to be more dangerous to children (like the traditional "monster under the bed"). I would have liked some more background: how long has the Cheshm been in the well? Why does it stay there? Was it once thrown down the well? But, yes, a good story; well done."
7 months ago
Maysam Kandej replied saying "I am originally from Kandej, a village in the center of Iran. Kandej is almost 2000 years old, and its wells are also 1000 years old. You read stories very carefully and ask many questions which makes me really happy :) We don't have this story in our country. I created it all myself when I wanted to buy a bottle of milk from a supermarket in Tehran. Its price was 20 percent more than the day before. I complained it to the salesperson, but he just muttered that it's not an important issue to talk about! So, I thought wow how we sometimes get really indifferent toward things happening around us! I don't like describing things a lot, because I hope it lets my readers imagine it as they wish and like. Good Luck! :)"
7 months ago
Daniel Mays said "Thank you, Maysam, for posting this story. I so much enjoyed it and look forward to more stories from you! It is sad that humans can be indifferent to other humans. I liked the eye crying for the indifference of mankind. Thanks again."
11 months ago
Maysam Kandej replied saying "Thanks a million for reading the story! By the way, I've read your stories, and enjoyed them a lot :) Thank you!"
11 months ago
Richard Ardus said "Maysam, you certainly provoked interest with this myth of an entity that effects only men to make them become 'indifferent'. I wonder what alternatives you could have used to that word...and I look forward to reading more and longer stories from you!"
12 months ago
Maysam Kandej replied saying "Dear Richard, I'm really glad that you liked the story "Cheshm". Thanks a million for reading, and commenting on the story."
12 months ago
Melford Maderazo Guest Editor said "Nice story, Maysam. Looking forward to your stories here at SBS. Many thanks- Mel"
12 months ago
Maysam Kandej replied saying "Thank you very much, dear Melford. Good luck :)"
12 months ago
Willie Douglas said "I sense there is a lot more to this story than just a one eyed monster in a well, as the rest of story informs. In any event it is a very good story with an interesting ending. A lot is told in so few words. Good Luck!"
1 year ago
Maysam Kandej replied saying "Thank you, Willie."
12 months ago
Diane Dickson Guest Editor said "I enjoyed this piece, wells are always just a bit scary, and I was thinking run, run and then you slid in that very poignant ending. Well done - Diane"
1 year ago
Maysam Kandej replied saying "Merci :)"
1 year ago
Angela Doran said "Ah, but did you become an indifferent man? :) Loved the ending and it had an ancient storytelling ambience about it. Similar to scottish folk legends. Well done."
1 year ago
Maysam Kandej replied saying "I'm really glad that you've read the story very carefully, Angela! Thank you so much, and good luck :)"
1 year ago
Jay Leffew said "Very clever ending. Well done!"
1 year ago
Maysam Kandej replied saying "Thank you, Jay :)"
1 year ago
Patsy R Liles said "How fine it was to read this. Amazing how many tales there are among the peoples of the earth. I was intrigued by Cheshm, and ....well not to spoil the end. It was wonderful. Thanks for sharing. Patsy Liles"
1 year ago
Maysam Kandej replied saying "It's an honor for me that you've liked the story "Cheshm", Patsy! Thank you very much, my friend! I'm reading your works and enjoying them. Thanks :)"
1 year ago
Adam West Guest Editor said "Loved the the staccato short sentence style - worked great in such a short piece - wells are just plain spooky (ever seen the Japanese film The Ring?) and this 'well story' was no exception - great ending too - totally unexpected - great stuff - many thanks and good luck, Adam."
1 year ago
Adam West Guest Editor replied saying "Hi Maysam - thank you for reading my stories - I hope you enjoy them and maybe learn something, too - what works, what does not work - I think my best 'advice' to anyone who enjoys writing and hopes to further their skills is to write in as many genres/styles as possible in order to discover their 'voice' - look forward to more from you - all the best, Adam."
1 year ago
Maysam Kandej replied saying "Thanks a million, Adam. I'm reading all your stories on "Shortbread"! I'm sure I am going to learn a lot from your wonderful stories, and writing style! Good Luck :)"
1 year ago

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