Short Story: Butterflies At Dawn

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Written by
Beel Neale

They're waiting for the butterflies...

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They’re waiting for the butterflies.

In the half-light they come, so numerous they fill the air — no, they seem almost to be the air. The sky is choked with a million fluttering autumn leaves.

Little Cathy spins around in a circle.

“Look,” she cries, in a soft whisper. “Look, they’re everywhere.”

“I know,” he says, wondering what makes them talk so quietly – perhaps it’s the magic of the moment. He lifts her up, and twirls her round, scattering butterflies. “They’re beautiful, aren’t they?”

Isaiah puts her down. She slips away, trying to catch one in her cupped hands.

“Carefully,” he calls after her.

In the corner of his eye, he sees someone else. He slips over, brushing her shoulder with a gentle hand. She spins round, startled, and he has to catch her because the sudden movement unbalances her.

“You OK?” he asks. She turns her faded eyes up to his face. He hates how they do…

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Aidan Gold said "Not sure that I entirely understood the plot, but it was very enjoyable none the less."
3 years ago
Kyugu -san said "Oooo-kay. I'm not entirely sure what happened in this one but I get the feeling it was something... deep?"
4 years ago
Kyugu -san replied saying "I liked it in a vague sort of way. And I've been busy studying. Don't worry. I intend to make a comeback on here soon."
4 years ago
Beel Neale replied saying "Does that mean you liked it, or.................? And where exactly have you been?!"
4 years ago
Adam West Guest Editor said "First-rate writing - goes on my shelf for another read and I won't say much in the way of content because I don't want to spoil it but I am fascinated to hear what others think - many thanks, Adam"
4 years ago
Beel Neale replied saying "Thank you for the encouraging and undeserved comments-I hadn't realised I'd actually written anything that great! :) I'm not sure as to the he said part, I think I realised his name a little after I'd started writing the piece! I'm glad glad glad you enjoyed it so much!!! Thank you again for your constant reviews, tips and compliments!!"
4 years ago
Adam West Guest Editor replied saying "The story itself has an enchanting quality - there is always the suggestion of a less than wholesome aspect to the scenario - butterflies are beautiful, delicate creatures and achieved this I would suggest partly by the fact the prose itself is clear and easily understood and yet the scene itself is not. Even though with no preamble you place the reader in the middle of a scene they know nothing of in terms of time and place and characters you quickly orientate them within a strange world. By keeping the narrative to a minimum of description with no exposition you leave the reader space to imagine - fill in the gaps and simultaneously interpret the goings on. Writers that come to mind in this ilk, if you like, include Murakami, Ishiguro and Atwood, all of whom would be in my top ten all time list. One minor point I noticed on a second read is that you use he said before you introduce the character's name Isaiah - best to use the name first then he following on? I selected this story earlier in the week for Nik's Spotlight feature BTW which will probably be up today or tomorrow on the homepage - ATB for now - Adam"
4 years ago
Adam West Guest Editor replied saying "Hi Beel - I will read it again tomorrow and let you know why I think it is outstanding - ATB for now - Adam"
4 years ago
Beel Neale replied saying "I'm glad you liked this one Adam, and I am interested to know what exactly appealed to you about this story!"
4 years ago
This comment has been removed; this user is no longer a member of Shortbread.
Beel Neale replied saying "I did!! I like your style of writing too! Particularly the story I commented on!"
4 years ago
This comment has been removed; this user is no longer a member of Shortbread.
Beel Neale replied saying "Thank you, glad you liked it! :) I look forward to your future comments too!"
4 years ago

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