Short Story: Pear Tree

ShortbreadWinifred MarzellaShort Stories › Pear Tree

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About this Short Story


Bond between father and son


  • 487 Words
  • 10 Comments
  • 90% Community Rating
  • 466 Views

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Formula 500: Fathers Day

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This piece has not been edited by the ShortbreadStories team.

The wind swayed the thin branches of the tall tree, bending its branches in an odd tribal rhythmic dance, stopping, swirling, twisting left and right .It showed off its delicate green foliage like a woman wearing her best dress despite the deluge that was flooding its very core. . Once, long ago it had started life as a saved seed, taken from a pear core.

"What's that Daddy” said the enquiring inquisitive question from his toddler son Paul.

"That, “said Jake holding the seed in the palm of his hand” could be a new tree if we put it in a pot and take good care of it."

They nurtured it in a yoghourt pot and watched it grow, small delicate leaves, unfurling, stretching towards the warmth that would make it strong.

"Look daddy, it’s got three leaves now." trilled Paul's delighted voice as he scrutinised the progress of nature.

"So it has but we will…

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Richard Ardus said "Two branches in the first sentence is awkward, I think, and you could dispense with the first one and improve your story. First impressions and all that."
11 months ago
Winifred Marzella replied saying "Yes i agree,should have been more thorough."
11 months ago
Jay Leffew said "As Diane says, the metaphor makes the story all the more poignant; it's a raw one right enough, but take a little more care how you use quotation marks; the way you have the first ones it looks as though they are framing, ... "said Jake holding the seed in the palm of his hand"...; a comma after 'Jake', and another after 'hand' would've helped a little."
11 months ago
Winifred Marzella replied saying "Thanks for your response Jay and also for pointing out improvements to the text. Its great you take the time to do this. Cheers"
11 months ago
Diane Dickson Guest Editor said "Oh dear, what a sad little tale, and such good use of a metaphor. Good luck in the competition with this one - Diane"
11 months ago
Winifred Marzella replied saying "Thanks for reading Diane -W"
11 months ago
Meg Malpass said "Oh Winifred! As a gardener and a mother you brought me to tears. Not easy to do in less than 500 words. Thank you and Good luck."
11 months ago
Winifred Marzella replied saying "Trees are like people, fickle when uprooted -W"
11 months ago
Meg Malpass replied saying "How lovely and such a tangible reminder. We moved a young pear tree this year and it retaliated by not one pear. Maybe next year. Thanks again."
11 months ago
Winifred Marzella replied saying "Thanks Meg,my dad was a gardener too. Part of this story is true. He did nurture a pear seed and grow it with his grandson. My dad has been dead many years but the tree is proud and strong at the bottom of my brothers back garden w"
11 months ago

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